I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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