i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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