every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
