I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
