DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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