but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
