They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my being single is dangerous.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This baby is an asshole
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
