Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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