Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
