A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize