Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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