there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize