We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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