Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
