Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
