yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
