my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
