i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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