I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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