Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
