im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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