If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
