Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
