I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
