when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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