if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
