Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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