My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
