hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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