ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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