It's Friday. Sex?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
