I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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