i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Everyone says I win the strip club
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
