No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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