My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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