Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
