Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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