just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
