You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
