im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
