So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
