so that wasnt chicken after all
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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