I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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