So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
