If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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