it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
