One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
