Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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