Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
