Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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