I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
