Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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