I'm passing your future prison.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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