I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
