apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
