Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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