Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
