She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
