he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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