I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have already put on my inside pants.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
