Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize