awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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