How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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