i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
