I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
