I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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